Britain's Got Talent - Hate To Say I Told You So...

Well I've had a highly eventful couple of weeks and so keeping to my resolution to write 2 blog posts a week has been something of a struggle, but here I am once again. It's sad though that I'm writing on such a sour topic today, but it's something I really feel the need to write about.

Towards the end of last year, I wrote a pretty vitriolic post about how Simon Cowell thinks every member of the great British public is a blithering idiot. He sits in his huge, supervillain palace, shaped like a giant X, strokes his fluffy white cat named Louis and cackles maniacally as he sucks money out of our pockets year after year. Anyone with half a brain cell has been able to tell from day one that his "talent shows" - beginning with Pop Idol and now stretching to Britain's Got Talent and its American counterpart - have been nothing but manipulative business moves. But recently I read something which added a whole new, sickening dimension onto the devious git's empire.

Simon Cowell may not be a judge on BGT any more, but the show is still part of his media empire, SYCO. So he's still top dog. I recently read an e-mail, published here anonymously, from an executive of Sony Music UK, who's worked closely with SYCO in relation to BGT.

In it, he reveals how current contestant and hot favourite Ronan Parke, a 12 year old singer, was fist discovered and SIGNED by SYCO two years ago at the age of 10. Over the past two years, he's been groomed to a terrifying degree, trained and controlled in every area in order to get him ready to win BGT 2011. And, as far as the writer of the e-mail is concerned, he WILL win. Simon Cowell has made sure he's been groomed and given a sexualised image to impact on the public and, at the end of the day, to rival Justin Bieber in the pre-teen market. The vote is already rigged apparently, which isn't something that doesn't surprise me and shouldn't surprise you either.

The thing that really gets me here is that, in the 21st century, a company run by a man who has for years been the face of Saturday night FAMILY entertainment, has groomed and sexualised a 12 year old boy. Apparently, young Ronan's always been a bit fey and effeminate, but some kids are at that age. The marketing appears to have been "we can't man him up, so let's start firing G-A-Y on all cylinders". I mean, watch his "audition". What 12 year old kis dresses themselves like that? Children - and yes he is a CHILD - should never be settled on their appearance at that age, and they certainly shouldn't be shoe horned in to a sexuality they're not comfortable with. They've twisted this poor kid's entire life and personality into an image that they want to sell. Regardless of what your views on sexuality are, it is never right, in any circumstance, to take a 12 year old boy who is nowhere near coming to terms with his sexuality, and to purposefully groom his personality, mannerisms and image. It's wrong do that in ANY fashion, not just a sexual one. And it's all made fine and dandy by the fact the Michael Macintyre is a few feet away, bumbling around with his fat, yellow grin like Mr Blobby on a good day at the races.

It was conditioning like this that turned Michael Jackson into a frekish, lonely, highly disturbed man-child. Pressure like this that hooked Judy Garland on pills when she was barely out of her nappies. The 21st century music business is a devious, unscrupulous place, but I really thought that THIS would be below even the scuzziest lizard in a suit these days. But it appears not.

Glamorous child abuse will be pumped into your living room each night this week, surrounded by flashing lights, crocodile tears and two bumbling Geordie idiots who have Simon Cowell's feelers so far up their anuses that he could pull out bush tucker they ate four years ago.

So happy viewing folks.

Simon Cowell Thinks You're An Idiot

Simon Cowell does not like you. Simon Cowell does not care about you. He does not care about you as a person. Simon Cowell does not want to make your life better. He does not want to make you think, grow, rejoice or change in anyway.

Simon Cowell thinks you are stupid.
Simon Cowell thinks you are weak.
Simon Cowell thinks you are easily pleased.
Simon Cowell thinks you have no taste.
Simon Cowell thinks you have low expectations.
Simon Cowell thinks you don't have a brain in your head or a soul in your chest.
Simon Cowell thinks you have the memory span of a goldfish.

To Simon Cowell you are not a person.

Simon Cowell only cares about your money. Via the whole X Factor brand, every year, Simon Cowell and his massive gang of producers spend all of their time and energy working out how to get as much money as they can out of your pockets as possible.

Every year, a dozen or so vaguely "talented" people are trotted out onto our TV screens on Saturday nights for live performances for eight weeks or so. On their way there, they are hyped up everywhere - radio, TV, posters, magazines, newspapers - so that you are fully aware, fully prepped and informed for their arrival. All of it is an attempt to draw you in, to make you feel as if you have to be involved in this, you have to be informed, you have to have a say in how it all pans out.

PLEASE think about it. How many X Factor contestants from the live shows can you remember? Half a dozen at most. Nearly EVERY X Factor contestant is painfully, heartbreakingly AVERAGE. There are a million and one backing singers, musical theatre performers, cruise ship entertainers and more, all around the world, who can sing just as well and probably better than the dull, mediocre zombies who are slapped in Topshop gear week after week and shoved into your face. And because they're so average, and Simon Cowell KNOWS that they are average, what does he do?

He puts on the biggest, most absurdly over the top stage shows he can afford. He advertises them everywhere he can. He underscores every moment of the contestants backstories with Take That hits to tug at your heart strings. Why?

Because all he wants is your money. And Simon Cowell think that you are so stupid, so weak minded, so uninspired, that you will be willing to watch, pay to watch a dozen painfully average, unoriginal, uninspiring, uniteresting individuals "perform" a narrow group of pop songs every week just because he's battered you round the head with flashing lights and media coverage.

Simon Cowell thinks that you don't deserve good music. That's why he insists on putting on a TV program that has produced a tiny amount of sub-average pop "stars". That's why he gets his contestants to perform covers of songs that are ALREADY in the charts so that you then go and buy those songs which are put out by record labels which he has shares in.

Simon Cowell doesn't want you to start thinking independently about the music you listen to. He doesn't want you to develop your own tastes which could stray away from the charts and his own label. He wants to numb all of your musical tastes so that you only end up recognising and listening to the songs and "artists" that he puts out. He doesn't care about making music that can stir your soul, make your overjoyed, make you really dance like your feet are on fire, make you leap and jump around like you don't care because you're so happy, make you roll down your car windows and belt your voice out with your friends because that song on the radio is so awesome. Simon Cowell doesn't care about any of that. He wants to control you, and what you like and what you buy. Most of them time, when a person votes for someone on the X Factor, it's not really their choice. It's not them controlling the program. It's Simon Cowell and his whole empire controlling them.

Simon Cowell thinks you're so stupid that he's changed the name Matt Cardle's dire cover of Bify Clyro's "Many of Horror" to "When We Collide", so that the title matches the chorus. Because that's what the kind of uninspired, reproduced, cheap pop songs that he puts out do. He didn't think you were clever enough to handle a song that had a title that wasn't related to the first few words of the chorus. He thinks you are that stupid. To him you are a big, throbbing wallet which he just wants to take money from. His view of you is no better than a mugger's, a con artists, or any other devious little criminal you can name. To him you are a big, fat cow that he's doped up to the eyes with tranquillisers, and he's viciously and deviously squeezing your tired, weary and bruised udders.



People who slag off the X Factor nowadays are normally fobbed off as indie/rock/metal/whatever snobs, and called old misery guts who just can't switch off and enjoy some pop music. But this shouldn't be what pop music is like. Pop music shouldn't be something that treats you stupidly. "Pop" comes from "popular" - music of the people. But it's not popular if it's not really chosen by the people. It isn't. It's chosen for you by a bunch of greedy, selfish businessmen who want to batter you down and make you submit to their own selfish plans. Plans which involve creating "music" that is easy to replicate, control, reproduce, digest and cover in cheap gloss. "Music" that disappears within weeks and leaves no real imprint on your life - just an empty space in your wallet.

Please, don't give Simon Cowell the satisfaction this year. Don't buy Matt Cardle's appalling, soulless cover. He'll vanish overnight, and next year some other talentless bloke or blokette will find themself in the same position. Don't let Simon Cowell and his money grabbing empire get the better of you. That really is what it will be and I'm not exaggerating. Simon Cowell wants to make you a dumb little zombie who is entertained by whatever he decides you will be entertained by. Because he wants your money.

I don't vastly care if you join one of the various "Get such and such to Christmas #1" campaigns. Just don't let Simon Cowell con you out of your money. Because that's what the whole thing is.

A filthy con.

The Big Guns

We're all of course aware of the disaster in Haiti at the moment. And I hope we've all been in prayer and giving to charity whenever possible in the last week or so. Outpouring and response from the musical world has been astonishing. The first musicians I heard speaking up were Arcade Fire; a great band, but it was difficult to see how their rallying call could spread ripples outside of the devotee indie community.

Now, they've brought out The Big Guns.
This article:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8473739.stm

will tell you how Simon Cowell has been put in charge, allegedly by Gordon Brown, of a charity single to raise money for the disaster. The chosen song is a cover of "Everybody Hurts" by REM.

Many of us have a LOT of problems with the X Factor. Simon Cowell divides me. He's an extremely clever and entertaining man. However, he has established a grip on chart music which has lowered musicianship, passion for real music and turned chart music into something focussed largely on instant fame, but more so on turning a profit. He's constructed an incredibly powerful monopoly, which, more often than not, a lot of us despise.

But now, I think we all have to be glad of the power that Simon Cowell and his business empire have. We've all seen that he can quickly and easily organise a track that millions of people will buy (even if it's just a cover!), market it effectively and turn a massive amount of money. And despite all of my gripes about reality TV, the state of the charts, the X Factor etc I'm now very glad for the powerful and wealthy position Cowell is in. One that will allow a massive amount of money to go towards helping Haitians.

This really could be the first true and organic charity single since the original Band Aid. The attempts to emulate it since have been:
a) rubbish
b) failures
c) more about profile than charity
But this one is fast, organic and clearly heartfelt, and also looks set to have a cracking line up. Even if the line up isn't incredible, even if it were DJ Ironik, N-Dubz, JLS, Chris Brown and the rest of that useless bunch; if it's going to raise as much money as possible in as short a time a possible for Haiti, I'm all for it. It may even get a few folks into REM.

In related news:

http://pitchfork.com/news/37649-kanye-not-invited-to-haiti-telethon/

The people organising the main Haiti charity concert in the US have refused to invite Kanye West to perform, thanks to his impeccable live television appearances in the past i.e. "George Bush doesn't care about black people" and of course "Im'a let you finish..." You know what? Good. The last thing anyone wants is someone taking the attention of a charity event and focussing it on themselves. I await Kanye's response.

Please folks, buy this charity single when it comes out, watch or attend any concerts for it that you can, I hear Radiohead are planning something as well. Most importantly, pray for and donate to the efforts. The people there are desperate for both.